


Beans' Blind Date

by biskychama



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, Romance, beans, cutie beauty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:57:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9699428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biskychama/pseuds/biskychama
Summary: Tonight Beans takes a step into the world of dating. His anxiety levels are high and doesn't know what to expect from the unlikely match maker Cheadle Yorkshire. Whoever his mystery date is must be one lucky girl.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [DungeonInspector](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DungeonInspector/pseuds/DungeonInspector) in the [HunterXHunterValentines2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/HunterXHunterValentines2017) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
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>  
> 
>  
> 
> Someone drank too much wine, have their date give them a piggyback ride to their home.

Beans made sure to get out the polish for his date. This was going to be the night. He glanced over at his suit perfectly laid out on his bed and with determination waxed his forehead into a glistening beacon of light. After applying the finishing touches to his look he stared down at the single red rose on his nightstand. He picked it up and forced out a deep breath before placing it in his lapel. He arrived at his destination precisely at the arranged time. Standing before the door of a small teahouse he was frozen in a state of anxiety. What if she was out of his league? Why did he agree to this? What if he was going to be stood up? His mind raced with worry. He dabbed a bold singular bead of sweat from his brow. He was indeed about to step into the unknown. 

The busy café area was filled with a low ambience of chatter and clinking cups to dishes. He looked around and saw no one he recognized. His anxiety level fell to nearly tolerable. “Is a blind date really such a thing to be so nervous about?” Beans thought quietly to himself as he approached the hostess. “Welcome! How many to your party this evening sir? Forgive me, it is sir, correct?” He had learned to accept no one knew what the hell he is. He looked at his shoes and tapped them together sullenly. “Yes,” he mumbled “two I believe.” The happy hostess guided him gracefully to a table and placed two menus down. “Thank you and enjoy!” She turned and made her way back up to her station. Beans sat in silence contemplating what sort of massive mistake he had made by showing up. A clock on the wall ticked loudly. Watching the second hand make its rounds Beans began idly circling his thumbs around each other. 

Netero was always making passive jokes about Beans’ solitary lifestyle. It may be too late to prove it but he knew the late chairman would have been proud to see him in this moment. The presence of the clock became overwhelming. Beans took out his phone to play a game of Bejeweled to pass the time. It was then that the door to the café slammed open nearly breaking the little bell hanging on top. For an instant it seemed the whole place made startled eye contact with the one responsible. “No.. No please no.” Beans’ heart began pounding as he realized who it was scanning the dining area. He paused hoping it was a coincidence, but felt a sudden drop in his chest when he saw the confirmation. A single red rose clutched as if being strangled in her tiny glove. Cutie Beauty had arrived.

It was too late for Beans to escape. Her fierce black eyes locked on him, then down at his lapel. An obnoxious smile took over half her face. Cutie pushed past the clueless hostess with laser focus, she had become a Beans seeking missile. In one swift movement she made herself comfortable in the chair opposite him and leaned her massive head delicately on her clasped hands. “Beans, how nice is this?” Cutie fluttered her clownish eyes at him with a keen smile plastered on her face. “I’m relieved to see it’s you sitting here waiting for me. I was beginning to worry I might get set up with one of those uglies from corporate or something. You know, with their out-of-fashion glasses and their smug personali-“ Beans was in a tight spot. His throat was closing up and he knew he was producing noticeable sweat. Cutie went on with a string of passionate hate speech detailing her disdain for people who wear white after Labor Day for the next few minutes. Beans stared with a look that perfectly described both his terror and confusion. 

“Anyway, darling my point is I’m so pleased to see a handsome young man such as yourself as my accessory for the evening.” She fumbled through her handbag while speaking and began reapplying a thick layer of red lipstick over top of her preexisting one. Beans looked down at the table ready to die.

The waitress finally came around and took their orders. Beans sat this whole time and forgot to check the menu. He began searching when Cutie slipped her menu over his and snatched them both up with her grabby little hands. “We’re going to share an order.” Cutie gleamed up at the waitress. “One bottle of your Yoshinogawa Gensen Karakuchi sake, warm please if you will. Two cups of course.” The waitress happily took the menus and went on her way. Beans considered scribbling a note to the waitress on a napkin under the table seeking her aid in escape. “Well? You haven’t said a word since I graced the table, Beans, tell me.. aren’t you elated to see me here as well? A rather good pair we should make. I always thought someday this would hap-“ she continued as Beans resumed his look of helpless desperation. He began fantasizing about the many ways he could murder Cheadle, as she was responsible for all of this.

Before he knew it the sake was being set on the table in front of them. It was the first time all evening he saw a glimmer of hope. The waitress took the ceramic carafe and poured the liquid gold into their cups. Beans watched the steam gently wafting away from the situation in envy. “Beans?” Cutie was already holding her cup. “Cheers, then?” 

Beans took up his cup and touched it to hers. Cutie sipped the expensive treat with poise while Beans swallowed it down like a shot of cheap grain alcohol. He unintentionally slammed his cup to the table and eagerly poured another. And another. Cutie was upset. “Slow down! This is fine wine you’re drinking!” Beans sloppily looked up to see her face twisted with disgust. 

“Oh.. heheeee.. my apologies.” He laughed at his own torture. He was already feeling the effects.  
“So you speak after all.” She poofed her hair with a cupped hand. “I was beginning to think you were too stunned by my beauty to-“  
“SHHHHH SH Shhhh!!” Beans waved his finger in front of his smiling mouth. “Just. Shh.” He whispered lowering his droopy head. An awkward silence fell between them. He haphazardly lifted his arm and with the grace of a marionette poured himself another cup. Cutie was in shock. It was at this moment she concluded this was going to be an awful night. Unresponsive to her charm, indifferent to seasonal jackets.. Beans quickly became her least favorite person or whatever he is. 

He lifted his head once more and struggled to focus his vision. “Lols! Two clowns!” and slumped over again. Cutie looked around the room in frustration. She was now plotting her own get away. When Beans finally breathed a heavy sigh he looked up once more and squinted his eyes. “Cutie..” 

“What.” She had no patience for his drunken embarrassment. 

“Cutieeeeee…………..” He was now sitting upright with his eyes closed and a light smile rested on his face. This would be his attempt to break the ice. She was a bit more attractive to him now after so many drinks. “Cutie. You’re szo inter-nesting, yu know?” This naturally caught her attention. Cutie’s agitation lessened and she leaned forward. Finally, a conversation about her. “What’s that you say?” Beans continued slurring and combining his words, “I mean lookit you. You clearly don’t care what people’s thinking of you are. With your hair ..and your clothes ..and your makes up and your.. face..” He shook his head in amazement. The shatter of Cutie’s heart was almost audible. “And what is that supposed to mean!?” Cutie found herself on the brink of homicide. Beans sighed. “You just care about what’s important ta you right. ‘N das like being pretty an-and trying to look 20 years younger.” He slapped another cup to his mouth, gulping its contents and flopped his other hand around. “Or however old you are I dunno right now.”

“It duzznt matter though. The thing is that.. what I’m trying to say is that.. Wait.. what was I saying again?” Beans fumbled around with his napkin in slow motion trying to keep his hands busy. Cutie watched in detest as he now had the motor skills of a toddler. Cutie finally spoke. “Well yes, I suppose I both do and don’t care about the opinions of others. I take my looks quite seriously if you haven’t noticed and I like being the one to set the standard for true beauty.” She pulled out a compact mirror from her bag and glanced into it to make sure her face was indeed looking like perfection. “As you and everyone else can see I am the pinnacle of radiance, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe that quote is in reference to anyone that has ever set eyes on me.”

“Well okay.” Beans was at a loss for words. “I’m looking at you.” It was meant as an arbitrary statement to fill the space she gave him to respond. Lacking any judgment, tact, or comprehension he sat there innocently as Cutie looked at him, stunned by what he said. 

Cutie’s snobbery began to subside. “Oh, Beans.” She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm herself. Her irritation progressed into empathy for the drunken green bean and she rested on a nurturing smile. She was sure what he said was a compliment, and possibly even a drunken admission of attraction toward her. After all she was young and beautiful. “Beans, that may be the sweetest thing a man or.. whatever.. has ever said to me.” He noticed the tension decreasing from her voice and to Beans this meant something was going right though he wasn’t sure what.

Cutie remained observant of him for the next hour. She let him ramble on about the pressures of being an errand boy for the chairman. She comforted him when he cried about the loss of his friend and idol. All the while she sipped on two more slow paced cups of sake. Beans would pause every so often to violently ingest another cup. The conversation progressed to Beans passionately questioning metaphysical laws when the café owner stopped by to inform them the dining area was closing soon. Cutie nodded to him contently while Beans continued giving half intelligible rhetoric about the ethics of the association.

A long silence came. Beans had nothing left to talk about and his alcohol/blood content began to dissipate. He then looked up bleary eyed at Cutie and smiled a toasty grin. “Thanks.” He delivered it like a closing remark. “Whatever for, dear Beans?” She returned the same expression. 

“I never really get to open up about these things. It was nice to have someone to talk to that understands my position. And to be honest I’m surprised you listened to it at all.” Beans looked down and was content with this statement thinking things had gone over smoother than he expected. “I cant believe I’m saying this but I’m actually happy you’re here.”

“Wait, excuse me?” she coughed. Great. Beans knew he blew it in the home stretch. A chill ran up his spine and he mistakenly made eye contact with the increasingly offended Cutie. Anything he would say in attempts to redeem himself was futile but he still wanted to try. “I mean! No! I’m just saying! ..UMMM..” His eyes widened in panic. Cutie was waiting for an explanation. He froze up. Her nails were tapping rhythmically on the table. This was it. Only one thing left to do. Beans flung himself dramatically across the table and kissed Cutie on her fat, pillowy red lips. Her eyes were perfect circles as she sat there stunned. She looked down at Beans’ tightly gripped expression while their lips touched. Cutie gave in to the sweet and awkward situation and gently closed her eyes. 

“Ex-cuse me?” The owner stood before them. The two lovers slowly pulled away from each other, maintaining eye contact. The owner hesitantly spoke again. “I’m sorry but we’re closing.” Beans and Cutie looked around to see the dining area was empty and cleaned. The wait staff, the hostess and the owner had all been waiting for them to leave. Beans felt the weight of the moment and his anxiety and social ineptitude took over. He frantically grabbed the bottle of sake from the table and chugged the remaining contents. 

He looked at Cutie, then up at the owner. “Yes I think we’re ready to go now.” 

The alcohol took over him again just as he finished putting his credit card in the hand of their waitress. They sat in silence, this time a meaningful one. The waitress returned and Beans quickly pocketed it. The waitress smiled. “Thank you, and you two have a good night!” She winked at Cutie Beauty. Cutie nodded as a lady would. Walking was not an easy task for Beans at this point. He stood up and his stumpy legs were like lime jello. Cutie empathetically put his arm around her shoulder and walked him to the door. Before exiting she realized this was not going to work and slumped the dead weight of a blissed out Beans on her shoulder. She glanced over at the surprised wait staff. “I’m not a body guard because of my good looks, you know.” She smirked and left the teahouse. The cool air hit Beans face and it gave him a second wind. 

“WOOOOOOO!” Beans closed his eyes and yelled without inhibitions. He proceeded to climb further up Cutie’s back and sat on her shoulders. The two of them laughed and Cutie trekked back toward Beans’ residence with him occasionally out stretching his arms and making the appropriate airplane noises. When they reached his home Beans fell hard on the pavement outside the door of his apartment as he tried to clumsily climb down from Cutie’s back. They both laughed and Cutie helped him back up. 

After they said their awkward but adorable goodbyes Beans entered the building and Cutie turned to leave. He watched from the doorway as she whistled for a cab and wondered why they hadn’t done that to get him home. A cabby pulled up, she climbed in and waved a toodaloo back to Beans and the cabby sped off. Once inside Beans climbed up the stairs and into his bed. He smiled with rosy cheeks and pulled out his phone. Looking her up on the hunter association’s website and seeing her picture in his hand, he felt truly happy. “What a cutie.” He said to himself “the eye of the beholder, ha.” He chuckled and closed his eyes, hugging his phone to sleep.


End file.
